A Matter of Tradition
by Glenonaya
Summary: Amanda faces her first pon farr with Sarek. And the fallout thereof.


A/N: As always, thank you to lucycantdance for the betaing.

Amanda put down the stylus, clasped her hands together, and stretched them over her head. Judging by the way her back cracked loudly, she had been stuck hunched over as she wrote for far too long. Lowering her arms again she let out a deep, satisfied sigh. Another diplomatic letter successfully composed.

She knew she should save it and hand it over to T'Strell, Sarek's young diplomatic aide, but she hesitated. As long as she hadn't officially finished the letter, she didn't have to start a new one and she had been doing nothing but writing diplomatic correspondence since breakfast. She felt tired, irritable and wanted to play hooky for a minute. The duties of an ambassador's aide never seemed to be done and that was doubly true when one was the wife of the diplomat in question. It was a position she enjoyed most of the time, to help prevent situations escalating into violence, to keep various species and groups on speaking terms and not let their egos get in the way of the greater good. It was a worthwhile job to have, even if it felt Sisyphean at times. And between Sarek's understanding of the ideological and intellectual complexities and her understanding of the emotional depth, she and her husband made quite a formidable team.

Well, not quite husband, at least not by Vulcan standards. After all she had not shared her first _pon farr_ with Sarek yet. But they had signed an official Certificate of Cohabitation, so in the eyes of Federation law they were married.

Amanda smiled wryly as she recalled her colleagues' reactions to her announcement that not only did she intend to marry a Vulcan, one of the most secretive races of the Federation, she intended to marry him in the Vulcan way and only in that – eschewing human tradition.

_-"Oh Amanda how can you? You'll never have your big day!"_

_-"Surely he wouldn't ask you to give that up? Might be your last chance to do something the human way."_

_-"How can you just up and leave your life here on Earth?_

She had tried to explain that it wasn't Sarek's idea, that weddings had just never meant much to her and she wasn't sacrificing anything important, but 90% of the time it had felt like talking to a wall. So in the end she settled for smiling silently and shaking her head whenever words of that nature were tossed at her, earning her a reputation for already being half-Vulcan.

And that was saying nothing of what she faced when they learnt she intended to switch professions; everyone seemed to think she did it to cater to her future husband. Truth be told, she had always wanted to be in diplomacy, she just never had the opportunity before. At least Vulcans saw nothing strange in changing between various jobs through your life. But then again, when you grew to be more than 200 years old, doing the same thing for all of them must seem both boring and illogical.

Well, thank God her parents at least had understood it all, even if they weren't enamoured with the idea of her heading off to Vulcan for the rest of her life.

Or wherever. Sarek was an ambassador, he had to go where he was sent, be it Earth, Vulcan, Andoria or someplace else and she wanted to go with him whenever she could. And when she couldn't there was plenty for her to do here either as an aide or switching back to her previous line of work as a teacher. Vulcans and humans understood so little about each other and her efforts here might mean a few less misunderstandings between the two species.

But whatever the other reasons, the bottom line was that she was human, she loved Sarek and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, if that meant living on Vulcan, so be it.

Love... her thoughts turned to another memory.

_She had offered to show Sarek the human custom of "holding a picnic" and now they were sitting under an oak tree in a nice secluded spot overlooking a placid lake. She threw Sarek a sidelong glance. They had finished eating_ – who knew it was possible to eat a sandwich with such dignity? - _and now he sat gazing calmly out over the water._

She put down her wine glass, suddenly feeling very nervous.

"May I ask you a question?"

Sarek turned his light chocolate eyes from the view of the lake to her.

"You may ask, Amanda."

"Yours is a logical people who prefer to deal with life dispassionately so... how do you convey... affection? Surely there is that, between parents and their children, between friends... spouses?"

"Bond mates, yes."

She looked away, feeling very shy and foolish.

"Sorry, I'm being intrusive."

"Had I found your question overly intrusive I would simply decline to answer it."

He reached out and took her wrist and raised her hand. He raised his own so that it hung right in front of hers, his fingers spread out, then touched the tips of his to hers.

"This is a common gesture of affection between parents and children. While this," Sarek moved his fingers so both their hands displayed the ta'al, the Vulcan gesture of greeting, then moved his hand so that their palms and fingers were pressed together. "is one exchanged between those who are considered family, either by blood – or by choice."

"And... bond mates?"

Why did her voice sound so breathless? And why on Earth was her heart racing?_ They hadn't done _anything.

For one terrible second she thought she might have made a grave mistake as Sarek withdrew his hand and let go of her wrist. Then he turned his hand so that he held it palm up, thumb, ring and little finger curled in towards his palm, the index and middle finger outstretched.

Hesitantly she mirrored his gesture. Slowly, deliberately Sarek turned his hand so that his outstretched fingers lay on top of hers. Amanda stared entranced at their hands. Gently he withdrew his hand, letting his fingers slide over hers, until only the last joint of their fingers touched. She raised her eyes and found herself looking straight into inscrutable brown ones.

"The ozh'esta. A gesture between bond mates."

It felt as if the air between them were vibrating as he held her gaze.

Perhaps she should back off? _She didn't want to frighten him off. And Vulcans could be oddly skittish on some subjects, particularly emotional ones. _It would be the logical thing to do.

Mentally she shook her head. She wasn't

feeling_ very logical right then, and after all she was an illogical human. She took a deep breath._

"Do Vulcans ever say 'I love you'?"

He studied her face intently for a moment. "While it is possible to translate the words, the sentence would lose its traditional human meaning if that was done."

"Oh."

"The closest phrase in Vulcan would be, 'talukh nash-veh k'dular'."

She tried to repeat the words and Sarek's face instantly became his official mask of non-emotion.

Damn._ She knew she should have stayed silent. But he hadn't let go of her hand. Surely he would do that if he felt offended?_

She studied his face more closely and noticed the very fine lines at the corners of his eyes.

Was he trying not to laugh? _Maybe it wasn't offence he was not-feeling._

"Perhaps my pronunciation needs some work?"

"It... does have room for improvement."

"Ever the diplomat." She couldn't hold back a smile.

"It is my job."

"And yet, shouldn't we be able to speak honestly to those we are close to?"

"We should, but honesty is not the same as rudeness."

"I suppose not."

Sarek's left eyebrow rose and she noticed that not-quite smile lurking in the light brown depths.

Amanda came back from her reverie and sighed. She had played hooky long enough.

She saved the letter on a data disk, pocketed it and went looking for her husband. She could have summoned T'Strell, but she was still far too much in habit of doing everything herself. And besides, Sarek had been working so hard the last four days that he hadn't even slept in their bed. Not an entirely unusual state of things, but she wanted to just talk to him, if only for two minutes.

She found him, as expected, in his office. She stepped through the doorway and waited just inside for him to acknowledge her presence. Vulcans after all didn't knock, since their houses rarely had doors. Outer openings could be sealed in the case of sandstorms, but at all other times the wind was utilised to keep the dwellings at a comfortable temperature. Comfortable for Vulcans that was, Amanda still often felt that the house far too hot though she was getting better acclimatised.

Sarek sat at his desk with his side towards her, absorbed in whatever it was he was reading, and she used her wait to study his profile, enjoying the way his hair curled around the tip of his ears. He was as handsome as ever.

_Though_, she thought with a frown, _his skin had a slightly stronger greenish tint than unusual, making him looked flushed._

Minutes ticked by and Amanda started fidgeting. She shook her head with a sigh. This was getting ridiculous. Even when he was occupied, Sarek would normally at least acknowledge her presence and inquire what she wanted. If she didn't know any better she'd say he was avoiding her.

Well, whatever it was that was making him grumpy, he'd just have to talk about it.

"Sarek?" She took a step forward.

"I would kindly ask that you remain where you are." Sarek's tone was terse.

Studying him closer Amanda noticed how the hands holding the PADD were trembling slightly and his whole body appeared tense. Intending to go to him she was interrupted by Sarek's barked order.

"Stay away!"

Amanda stepped back in pure reflex. "Sarek, if you are coming down with something, shouldn't you see a healer?"

"It is nothing easily curable."

"But-"

"I warned you this would happen."

She frowned. _What would happen?_ She saw his hands shaking at his side. "Sarek," she said, her tone exasperated, as she once again stepped forward. _Sometimes he was really too stubborn._

He spun in a half circle to face her, his eyes glowing intensely. "Do not. Come closer." His voice was hoarse. "Or I will claim you where you stand."

_Oh!_ She froze in her tracks. _That._

"If you need me-"

"When we discussed this you gave me your word that you would complete the ceremony." Amanda tried to protest but Sarek simply continued talking. "I will hold you to that word."

She considered arguing, but the look in his eyes told her that at best it would get her nowhere. Instead she said, "How long?"

"Two days. Do not come near me till we meet at the appointed place."

"As you wish." She turned to leave, only remembering the reason she came just before leaving the room. She pulled the disk from her pocket. "The letter to the Andorian delegate."

"Give it to T'Strell." Amanda frowned in confusion. "Please." She nodded and left to hunt down the young aide.

oOoOo

Amanda paced the room, her long dark red dress twirling around her slippered feet.

Two days had gone by and she was to meet Sarek at the place of challenge in little over an hour. She had done her best to keep busy, to keep from thinking about what Sarek was going through, why they couldn't just skip the whole silly ceremony – _she was going to accept him anyway, why did they need it?_ And while he did his best to shield, as did she, Amanda could still occasionally feel the waves of need coming from him.

So far she had managed to keep herself distracted, but now all she had left to do was dress. That and fret. T'Strell had tried to help as best she could, but like all Vulcans she could barely speak the words_ pon farr_, much less discuss it in detail.

She sighed and went to her closet. _Why hadn't she ever asked what one wore to this ceremony? Oh yes, the acute Vulcan embarrassment about this subject, that was why._

She heard the soft sound of approaching footsteps and turned to see T'Strell walk through the door carrying a bundle of cream coloured clothes in her arms.

"Here." She held the bundle out towards Amanda and the human could see it was a dress, though made of a much lighter material than Vulcans normally wore. She stepped forward and let one hand travel over the soft fabric.

"Unusual," she muttered.

"Negative," came T'Strell's response immediately. "It is a traditional Vulcan dress for the _koon-ut-kal-if-fee_." he shifted uneasily at the word. "It belonged to Ambassador Sarek's mother."

"I hope we share size then."

"It has of course been altered in the relevant places," T'Strell said with perfect seriousness.

"Of course it has." Amanda couldn't help a smile at the aide's proper voice. "I guess that it's not just a human tradition to wear white for a wedding."

T'Strell's browns drew together in confusion. "Wedding?"

"Mating ceremony." She could see the light of interest spark in the other woman's eyes; T'Strell had a deep interest in all things not Vulcan. It made her an invaluable aide, but it did occasionally surface at inopportune times. "I will tell you about once this is done."

"Of course Lady Amanda. Shall I help you dress?"

Amanda looked the dress over. It didn't look that complicated, but she had been surprised by the intricacies of Vulcan garments before. "I think you'd better. I don't want to be late."

She quickly kicked off her slippers and stripped off the dress, standing only in her underwear. T'Strell didn't move.

One of Amanda's eyebrows rose. "Well?"

"This dress does not require undergarments." A hint of green showed on the young woman's cheeks and the tip of her ears. "Since it is created for..." The tint grew more pronounced. "Quick removal would be easier if you had none."

_Quick removal?_ "Okay." She stripped off the rest of her clothes, for once thankful for the warm air in the room.

The dress _was_ surprisingly simple. The left side was sewn normally, the sleeve reaching to her wrist, the other only stitched together from the waist down and held together at the shoulder with a gold clasp leaving Amanda's right arm naked. The only other ornament was the golden cord that was wrapped around her waist. The whole arrangement only took five minutes to put on. T'Strell found a pair of peach coloured slippers to go with the dress, then helped Amanda put up her hair with a jewelled comb.

Amanda took in her appearance in the full length mirror. She didn't look half as nervous as she felt, and the dress did suit her.

She met T'Strell's eyes in the mirror and smiled gratefully.

"Do you still wish me to accompany you?" the Vulcan asked.

Amanda's face turned serious.

"If you're willing to. Humans can do with a bit of moral support when facing unknown situations."

"Then I shall."

oOoOo

The room in which she, T'Strell, the presiding elder T'Velar and the ceremonial guard waited felt small and stuffy to Amanda. The tight atmosphere did nothing good for her nerves. Much more of this and she would throw propriety to hell and start pacing.

Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a gong. _Finally._

The procession started, T'Velar at the lead, she and T'Strell following, ceremonial guard interspersed throughout the line.

The wave of heat that hit her as she exited onto the plateau nearly knocked her down, it was nearly as hot as the Forge and she lost track of the ceremony as she tried to compose herself.

Regaining her bearing she saw Sarek rise to his feet from where he had been kneeling in front of T'Velar. Taking the ritual mallet, he turned and strode to the gong at the centre. Amanda turned and followed, keeping four steps behind him. He stopped in front of the coffin-shaped gong, raised the mallet and struck it once, its deep sound causing the air to vibrate around them both. Amanda stepped forth to stand beside him. It felt to her as if the very mountain around them held its breath, waiting for her to act. She took the mallet from her husband-to-be, careful not to touch seeing how he shook gently, and struck the gong once as well, signalling her assent to the union.

A deep, profound relief flooded her, confusing her for a moment until she realised that it was not her own. She shot Sarek a sidelong glance. _Had he really thought she would refuse him? Now?_

She reached out and grasped his trembling arm and felt how he instantly went rigid.

"Amanda. Please," he whispered.

She immediately let go.

"Sorry," she replied, her voice no louder than his had been.

They both turned to face the raised dais. "Amanda, daughter of Catherine," T'Velar intoned. "Thou hast accepted the claim of Sarek, son of Skon." She nodded to the guards. Two of them stepped forward so they flanked her and Sarek. _Did they think she'd try to run off?_ A wave of almost overwhelming desire crashed into her and she cast her husband-to-be a sideways glance. Or maybe they were there to restrain Sarek if he lost control before they reached the _katelaya-tvi-shal_.

T'Velar rose and stepped down from the dais, leading them in procession towards katelaya-tvi-shal. T'Strell remained behind. As they passed her Amanda shot her a grateful look and smiled, she wasn't sure how she would have got through the last hours without the Vulcan woman.

They walked out of the stone circle and down the mountain side, coming to a halt in front of the entrance to _katelaya-tvi-shal_. One of the guards opened the door and Sarek stepped through the yawning portal. Amanda swallowed once then stepped through as well.

The room darkened abruptly as the daylight was cut off by the door being closed, and Amanda heard the peculiar sound of a key being turned in a lock. She nodded to herself. No way back now, only one way left to go.

She looked around the room they were standing in. It had the feeling of a cavern since it had no windows and no other openings except the door through which they had entered. It was lit by a foursome of oil lamps that were giving off a sweet spicy odour. Despite the situation Amanda couldn't help but smile. When Sarek had said that _pon farr_ was shrouded in antiquity and ancient rituals he had of course been quite literal. She should have learned that by now, but still it surprised her how literal Vulcans sometimes were.

Looking back at her husband, she found him standing in the middle of the room looking lost in a way she had never before witnessed, and for the first time she understood why Vulcans were so reticent on this subject. No one would like losing control of themselves in this way and for Vulcans, for whom self-control was everything... She couldn't even begin to imagine what Sarek was going through right now.

She stepped up to him and embraced him. Even through the thick robe she could feel the burning heat of his skin and his straining erection pushing against her abdomen. All his control was gone and as he wrapped his arms around her in turn, burying his face at her neck, waves of desperate need badgered her through her own shields.

Pulling out the comb with one hand she undid the fastenings of the dress with the other. _Quick removal indeed._

She manoeuvred her husband sideways as she pushed off Sarek's robe, managing to guide them both to the bed while she ran her hands over her husband's back, her own body trembling nearly as hard as his.

"It'll be fine, I'm here, it'll be fine," she muttered in his ear. Then she too was overwhelmed by the fire in Sarek's mind.

oOoOo

Sunlight shone into Amanda's eyes, pulling her from sleep. Somewhat groggily she turned over, intent on checking if Sarek was still there. The movement made her abruptly aware of several sore places on her body.

_What? What had she been doing- Oh yes, now she recalled._

Smiling, she rolled over fully and opened her eyes.

She was back in her own bedroom. _Had Sarek brought her here last night afterwards? Or was that task relegated to someone else, another part that was never spoken of? And speaking of Sarek, where was her husband? Obviously not in his bed._

Reaching through their bond she was met with only the mirror like barrier of Sarek's shields.

_Was he alright?_

Frowning, she pushed herself of the bed and put on a robe and slippers. _Well, she would just have to hunt him down in person then._

It didn't turn into much of a hunt as Sarek had wandered no further than the garden. She spotted him from the parlour, sitting on one of the low benches next to the fragrant shrubs that always reminded her of a combination of holly oak and roses. His eyes were closed and his hands lay folded in his lap. Apparently he was in deep meditation.

She wanted to speak with him, but accepted that he needed to restore what control of self he could more than anything else right now. Conversation would have to wait; he probably hadn't expected her to be up so early after yesterday's events anyway.

Right then her stomach growled loudly, making her chuckle. Very well, she could spend the wait making breakfast then.

_Would Sarek's appetite have returned?_

Mentally shrugging she decided to make him some too. If nothing else she could eat it herself. She felt hungry enough to eat for two.

After she had not only eaten, but done the dishes, showered and dressed as well, Sarek was still sitting unmoving on the bench.

Standing once again in the parlour, arms folded and staring crossly at her husband's back, Amanda could come to no other conclusion than that he was hoping she would go away if he ignored her long enough. Well if that was what he hoped to achieve he had better think again.

She made tea while she considered the best line of approach.

_What could be eating at Sarek? Was he afraid he'd hurt her? He had been... enthusiastic._

She shook her head. They'd gone through that song and dance back when Sarek first brought up _pon farr_ and she thought they'd laid that ghost to rest, but maybe not. Though it seemed absurd, apart from a light bruising on her hips, love bites scattered across her breasts and shoulders and a certain soreness from the workout, she was perfectly unharmed.

It was about what she would have expected from her wedding night. He was being illogical.

_Wedding nights... Hmm yes, maybe she could use that._ Apart from their dedication to logic and pacifism, what characterised Vulcan society was a deep respect for traditions, including those not their own.

Tea done, she poured two cups and went out into the garden to face her reticent husband.

"Here." She leaned over the back of the bench to put one of the cups down on the seat next to Sarek. "Even if your appetite has not returned you still need liquid, especially after having been sitting in the sun most of the morning."

The Vulcan maintained his statue like immobility.

_Very well then._

Holding her cup with one hand, she grabbed the back of the bench with the other and proceeded to climb over it, hissing as the exercise overexerted her sore muscles.

She saw Sarek flinch ever so slightly at the sound.

Amanda sat herself down next to him and looked at his profile.

"How are you feeling? Yes, I know, Vulcans don't feel," she corrected herself before he could reply. "What I meant was: how are you doing?"

For long seconds he didn't answer and Amanda began to wonder if she would have to put stronger measures into use to break his exterior.

"I will recover," he finally answered tersely.

"Good." Putting her free hand on his shoulder she leaned in and kissed his ear. "And thank you for yesterday by the way."

_That_ got his attention. His eyes flew up and he gazed at her with something as close to anger as she had ever seen in his eyes.

"This is no joking matter, Amanda."

"Do I look like I'm joking? I merely wanted to thank you for respecting my people's traditions concerning marriage as well as your own's."

Sarek's expression changed to one of puzzlement.

"You told me that you did not wish for a traditional Terran wedding."

"Well, not the whole thing. Certainly not the American version, far too much fuzz. Those customs mean nothing to me and never have, they tend to be rooted in a mindset humanity has long since left behind and it is my opinion that the customs should go the same way. But there was one tradition I didn't wish to relinquish."

"You did not tell me about this."

"It was unnecessary."

"Explain."

"As you wish. Last night was our wedding night, correct? I mean, from a Vulcan point of view."

"That is not entirely correct, but close enough to work as an analogy."

"Well, there is a nearly universal constant when it comes to human marriage customs: the newly wedded couple have very enthusiastic sex on their wedding night in a way that leaves both participants with bruises and bites. It was the one custom I did not wish to relinquish and I considered putting up with a human marriage ceremony for it, but when you informed me of the nature of _pon farr_ I realised would not have to. Had anything else happened I would have been very disappointed. You would not begrudge me following my own traditions as well as yours, would you?"

Something very close to a sigh seemed to pass through Sarek.

"I see."

"Do you?"

"Yes _aduna_." Her heart leapt at the word, he had never called her wife before and the sound of it made her absurdly happy. "I believe I do," he added.

He held two fingers out towards her and she touched them with two of hers.

"If you want breakfast you'll have to make it yourself, I ate yours since you took so long."

She saw that little non-smile, that never touched his lips – only appeared in his eyes – bloom, and a wave of warmth flowed through their bond.

"Of course, _aduna_."

- Well, this only took me nine months to finish. And apparently I can't write a het sex scene to save my life XD. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
